....

hmm... just realized that ive been wasting so much time... looking for things in the wrong places..
and just realized that the consequences i have to pay seems to so large.. =(
so sad..

hmm.. what to do now? what to do now?

><

just wanna break down and cry sometimes.. but usually that doesnt help much..
hmm..


can only cry out to You and finding the things i need in the right direction...
but whats in the future.. whats next.. im still clueless..
please help me somehow..? =(

T T


when everything had happened..
when i have no friend..
when trusts are broken..
when tears are shed..
when hope is lost...
when pain surrounds..
in these long hour of my sorrow..
when a laughter fails to comfort..
when my heart ache..
when confusion is all around me..
when i dont think i can go on...
when the darkness is my closest friend..

Lord.. i can only cling to You.. *cries out*

love this song to the max... =D


I'm so mad at you right now
That I can't think straight
And I should shut my mouth
So I don't let out the cruel things I say

Cuz when love starts out
It's all peachy
I love you, you love me seems easy
It's like a walk in the park
But sometimes it takes an act of my will
And a walk in a park turns to uphill

But I promise to give you my heart
I will choose to love you, yeahh
Even though I wanna stay mad
Even though I wanna get angry
Though it may be easier to walk away
I will choose to stay & love you

Love is just so beautiful
sometimes it takes work
And the ones you love
At times can leave you so hurt

Cuz when love starts out
It's all peachy
I love you, you love me seems easy
It's like a walk in the park
But the picture of love some try to paint
It's a contrast to the real landscape
But I promise to give you my heart

I will choose to love you, yeahh
Even though I wanna stay mad
Even though I wanna get angry
Though it may be easier to walk away
I will choose to stay
I choose you, I choose you, yeahh
I choose youuI choose you everyday
I choose you

Some people think that love is just a feeling
So they fall out of love as quickly as they fell in
Some people think that love is just a game
But they the ones who always seem to end up getting played
Though everything around might change
One thing will still remain
I will choose to love you, yeahh

Even though I wanna stay mad
Even though I wanna get angry
Though it may be easier to walk away
I will choose to stay
I choose youuuuu
I choose youu, heyy yeahh
I choose youu, whoooww
I choose you everyday
I choose you


...............................................................

randomness..

David Choi lagunya enak juga yahh ternyata... tadi dengerin "That Girl" sama "By My Side"..
sama d'cinnamons.. "Ku yakin Cinta" juga enak..

duh di kantor tapi gak pengen kerja.. gimana yaa? XD

pengen cepet2 dapet kerjaan baru.. yahhh? yah Father?

belakangan ini... kata2.. "there's always Hope" selalu terngiang2...
God has something better...
Hope for the future...

aghh.. i do believe.. but plz help me o Lord... slap me in the face or something..
coz this heart always dragging... im running but always looking to the past..
so all i get is just .. jatuh2.. kesandung sana sini.. nabrak kanan kiri...
when will i reach my destiny if i keep doing so?

kalimat ini juga sering terngiang2... "Love... sometimes when the person you love reject your love... its not your fault... stop blaming urself for it.."
hmm... maybe its right...
but everytime i think that ive lost my _ _ a _ i just cant stop these tears to fall down..
owhh well.. since last sat prayer meeting...
ive decided.. ill let u go my _ _ a _...
i pray that u'll find what u're looking for..
ill be the 1st one to be happy to see you back on track with our Father...
ill try my best to leave everything behind and look forward for the future..
ill miss u a lot... but... yeah... sudahlah.... *sniffs*


ndaaaaa.................... thank u for being there.. ^^
im so happy that i could find you...
Ci.. and Ko.. juga... icha juga.. hahaha jadi malu perasaan sering ketangkep icha pas lagi 'netes'
hahhaa.. cici stella juga.. XD (walo ga bkalan baca blog ini...) well banyak sih yang gak bakalan baca.. tapi thank you yahh.. esp U God... what would i be without U.. Ur never ending mercies and grace... dont give up on me yet o Lord.. please dont... ill one day be that Great woman U created me to be..

for now.. i need to keep those (-)vity out of my mind..
coz... everytime i see them.. i cant help myself but to compare..
feel sad and down.. T.T
hikss..
errhh.. Semangat Julya Semangat! U are in the process of being the one God created U to be!


udah ah hari ini ya? hehehe..back to work.. err.. trying to work! =)

"Time To Grow" by Lemar

Last night I tried but I couldn't sleep
Thoughts of you were in my head
I was lonely and I needed you next to me
Life is harder since you left

I never meant to do you wrong
And now all is said and done
I hope you won't be gone too long... No


Where do I go
What do I do
I can't deny I still feel something
And girl, I wish you could say you feel the same
You've broken the bond
I gotta move on
But how do I end this lonely feeling?
You've gone, I'm here, alone
I guess it's time to grow

I try to speak, but my words never catch the air
Like you never knew I was there
Take me back to the days when you really cared
Can we make love re-appear?
I can't go on the roads too long

And now all is said and done
I can't go forward if my heart's still where i'm coming from

Crying time is over
I know I can't control her feelings
If she won't return, then I guess I'll be a man
and move on
Time to grow
And move on

Make life better than it was before
Time to grow and move on
Make love better than I did before

Though you've gone
And I'm here, alone
I guess it's time to grow


Owh I miss you so bear..... T.T

Wondering... how are you?

...You are for me...

So faithful
So constant
So loving and so true
So powerful in all you do

You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you

I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weaknesses
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are


So patient
So gracious
So merciful and true
So wonderful in all you do

You fill me
You see me
You know my every move
You love for me to sing to you


I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come downEven if to write upon my heart
To remind me that
I know that you are for me
I know that you are for me
I know that you will never forsake me in my weakness
I know that you have come down
Even if to write upon my heart
To remind me who you are

God...

How I long to serve You...
To be used by You..
to be someone that You can work through..... >.<

but why it seems... i really cant do much..
cant really do the best for things You already put in my hand?
isnt it that You wouldnt give me things to do if I couldnt handle it?

God...
why i feel so useless so many times..
why i feel so tired too many times...
God...
I wanna be like Joshua or Gideon Lord..
that ones confident is in YOU
and You ALONE.......

You see the mighty man of God in them...
do You see a beautiful and wise woman in me?
God...
i wanna be closer to You..
wanna be loved by You..

indeed all that I have..
friends that i have been looking for and found em..
this wont fill my Heart ........
only You could satisfy
this longing in my heart...

Daddy... I need You..
need You to hold me..
to show me where I should go..
to whisper to me that I am Your best gal..
to hold me and say I am Your princess...

-needing You-

The Proposal

Hehehehe... abis nonton the proposal kemaren sama Jess, Tia, Ying, Ellen, and Kate... hahahaha SO so so so so funny =D hahahahaha... ketawanya dah sampe sakit perut......... Bagus BGT! hahaha Baru film yang bikin relax! hahaha.. klo nonton horor kan bikin makin tegang! =p

anyway................. its funny (not really but...) in the movie... it seems....... Its really easy to fall in love with someone. Andrew (Ryan Reynold..so cute and handsome ed- =p) used to HATEEEEE Margaret (Sandra Bullock) sooo much! and just within 3days he could fall in love with her... ??? humm.... so.. i guess falling in love with someone isnt that hard aye? when two people have a communication that are deeper than just "formal" communication... I guess falling in love isnt hard at all..........
make me wondering Why and how come....
and I guess.. it goes back to who create us and who are we destined to be......
Our creator is so beautiful, He has all the goodness that could ever be or even BEYOND our imagination...... and as we are created to His image... i guess it wouldnt be hard to fall in love with His creation... =)

When you are introduce to someone... The first impression is always the physical...
The more you know the person formally.... The more you know the character of the person whom He/ She would want people to see.........which usually "Tougher"
The more you know the person personally............. The more you will see the "real" character...
the softness... the brokenness... the strength... the weaknesses... the beauty within....


hmm.......... U are B e a u t i f u l GOD....

T.T

!@^%$#@%^$Y%!@$%....



wkwkwkwk..... the last few weeks is just undescribable!

Happy...sad.....tired...excited....angry...disapointment... grateful! duh klo bahasa indo nya mah udah kayak makan gado2.... semua sayur jadi satu...yang doyan yang gak doyan... diaduk semua!



Lets start with one.....



soooo.... GRATEFUL that He gave us a WHOLE week...(the week before that was just raining the whole lot of time) and yesterday.. on Sunday...the rain start pouring again.... So..it was just the right weather... right timing.... simply because my GOD's timing is P E R F E C T!





Thanks to Jaz too for helping us alot.. also...ko jamz....Cicil....and franklin... wont be able to finish the painting til today otherwise.... >.<



Its just great to have a God who knows what you need.... When i started to get so tired... He send Jaz pop out of nowhere to help.. hahahhaa... even though only one day.. he managed to help us finish undercoating almost the whole unit! hahahha thanks Jaz.... Man's strength are really different!



Talkin about Man's power...strength.... Man... hahaha.. dunno its that different until now. =p

How mighty You who create man =)

abis makan ngantuk.... >.<

kangen tau ga sih???? pengen ngobrol... pengen berbagi...
*sigh* is this how much i deserve?
when you asked me what happen.....
wanna tell u i deserve more than what it is now...
i really wish you would understand...
uughh.......... i wonder if God is just an excuse of something you are not willing to fight for?
I hope not........

*cry*

where are you? T.T

*sigh*.... its 5 o'clock in the afternoon...in the morning i complained about being so hungry..
and in the past few hours ive been complaining about have to go to work after work...
complain about not getting paid enough....... >.<

hiks hiks... so sad sometimes.. so tired....

but when i think about it....
we human ALWAYS... ALWAYS have something to complain about.
we complain almost about EVERYTHING...

so.... when i think about it deeper... its all about choices we have to made..
Which perspective we want to see when we see problems...

when I look at myself have to work so hard for things...
I should really be grateful that I still have job...(TWO JOBS!)
when I look at myself (I wanna say SOOOO but maybe NOT THAT MUCH) f.a.t
I should really thank God that I still have food to eat..
and opportunity to be healthy (as in..when i feel fat I should go exercise and thats healthy) =p

when I see that people getting paid so much more than I do...
maybe I have to learn to work my best still though not many people seems appreciate it.. as in...
I thank God.. that He is a God who knows what I have done... and I believe He wouldnt stand
still... There must be things that He wants me to learn in this company... =)

Baru jem 9 nih............. duhhh Laperrr... >.< udah minum Up n Go juga tetep aja laper..
dari tadi di bus udah cravingnya... Fooodddd........ pengennya yang crunchy yang asin... >.<

HUmmmm...............

sometimes i have the urge to go back to the past...
where our love was strong
where our love was simply perfect...
sometimes i feel like asking the world where it went wrong...
asking the reason of why all this happen to God...

hum...

but i know...
our love aint over...
i still love you the same..
no..not the same..
i love you even more now..
not with my love..but His love..
the way He loves me..now thats my source of Love...

darling....
it hurts i know..and i know you know it too..
and i know you know it hurts for me too..
when i feel so lonely... i know you will feel the same way too...
but when loneliness knocked on the door..
I can only pray that we will be strong...
keep on the right track and keep searching for His love...

what went wrong.. we know..
when the perfect love become so wrong...we know...
now that we fight it together..
i hope we can strive for this....

i l o v e y o u
i m i s s y o u
i w a n t t o b e w i t h y o u
m i s s h o l d i n g y o u
m i s s b e i n g i n y o u r a r m s

miss you so...... T.T

Hello......... ^^ i dunno whom i said hello to.. >.<

duh cape d... lately...it seems that everything seems so supportive for me to "sulk", complain and simply giving in and up!! People seems cant get enough of this.. (though they might not realise it or...not even mean it) but what they did is just hurting me.......

but U are so amazing God....U simply TRUST me e.n.o.u.g.h and BELIEVE me e.n.o.u.g.h moreover U are so [SECURE] that U let me be...U gave me so much time and space to think about what the world throws at me... U gave me all that I need...and W-A-I-T till I run to U...

You know that one day I can really see that the one that tries to kill and steal is NEVER EVER giving up to keep throwing rubbish at me, so that I run away further and further away from You...
but then when I realize and that I want to change...You always encourage me... theres always people popped out of nowhere and encourage me. (I believe its from You) Thank u God.

Im sorry if in my mind I ran "from" You not run "to" You...... that I will look all other ways before I run back to You... Im sorry that Im sooooo impatient...soooo unbelief.... sooo scared and sooo insecure... that i cant loose control.

God...sing to me... Romance me... and Love me... if he's the one from You... I believe You will made a way Lord... I cant see his heart.. I cant always believe his words..when his actions says otherwise... Father...protect me. I cant go through this alone....

My Love songs aint sweet unless You sing it for me.
My Love stories aint beautiful without You in it.
My Love is forever empty without Your presence.
My Love is forever missing without Your blessing.
My Love is nothing WITHOUT You.

A very old song...that i like so much...>.<
hope there will be one day that i could be that "someone"

..[l]O[n]G[i]N[g]..

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I finally found someone
That knocks me off my feet
I finally found the one
That makes me feel complete
It started over coffe
We strated out as friends
It's funny how from simple things
The best things begin

This time is different
And it's all because of you
It's better than it's ever been
'Cause we can talk it though
My favouite line was "Can I call you sometime"
It's all you had to say
To take my breath away

This is it, oh I finally found someone
Someone to share my life
I finally found the one
To be with every night
'Cause whatever I do
It's just got to be you
My life has just begun
I finally found someone

Did I keep you waiting? I didn't mind
I apologise, baby that's fine
I would wait forever just to know you were mine
You know I love your hair Are you sure it looks right?
I love what you wear Isn't it too tight?
You're exceptional I can't wait for the rest of my life

This is it, oh I finally found someone
Someone to share my life
I finally found the one
To be with every night
'Cause whatever I do
It's just got to be you
My life has just begun
I finally found someone
And whatever I do
It's just got to be you
My life has just begun I finally found someone

*Brian Adams - Barbara Streisand*

another day passes by........
where are you.. how are you...
i dont know...
i miss u so.. i really wish that u do too...
but as minute passes by (yupp..thats how often i checked my phone to see if u message me..or a miscall from u) i dont think you do....

i just pray that you are doing great somewhere out there...
hope that you are on the way to become who you said you would be...

i don't exactly why my heart long for you desperately
why cant i let you go off my mind... i dont know..
i wish i know... i wish letting go of you can be as easy as u letting go of me...

i miss you....really do...... T.T

leaning.on.YOU

...d.i.s.c.o.u.r.a.g.e.d...

Tuhan tolong... im sorry... but this isnt right...