forgive me?

i know it has been a while... but i just realize that 2 people in the same room can actually avoid each other... i thought it was just in the movies... but it actually now happening to me? unless its just me being too sensitive?

i dont know what i did wrong to you...
i dont exactly know what u did wrong to me..
i know there are circumstances that somehow along the way this past i dunno how many years make things what it is today...
i know there are thing i dont like u to do but u do..
but i know... u just cant help it..

i dont have any expectation of us.. nor u..
i know it wont make any difference for you whether or not we are friends..
but i just have this weird feeling with whats happening.. hmm..
theres no peace nor rest in my heart when i see us...
people say its normal.. should i ignore it? block it? pretend nothing is wrong?
what should i do?

i just want to say sorry to you...
sorry that i hurt you with what i did.. do.. or will do..
and please dont tell me "its okay people hurts other people sometimes" or something like that...
in the end.. it doesnt feel genuine..
hmmm... (am i expecting something there? sorry)
please forgive me..

if i could hope.. maybe one day it will be different..
if not.. im just hoping that u would forgive me gal..

i somehow amazed at you.. a bit envy... but its time for me to be me...
and i just wanna say sorry to you....

would you forgive me? (u might not even read this...)
want to speak to u...but i dont think u want to speak to me..
i dunno what to do.. ><


..........................................

i dont use to hate you.. i was just sad... but bit by bit i let the seed of anger.. bitterness.. jealousy, envy in my heart... and i can feel it that what i feel is now different and its not good.. but i thank God.. along this time He remind me.. this isnt good.. this isnt what He wants me to do... if i ask WWJD? i know for sure Jesus wouldnt do what i did... i tried to pray for you.. and i am genuine with my prayers for u.... but sometimes i let my jealousy rule over me more than the Spirit... now its time to change?
im sorry..


so..what to learn? “In your anger do not sin.. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold - Eph 4:26-27"


im sorry God.. im sorry you... please forgive me...?
........................................

sorry.. if this is such a weird blog... ><
a very gloomy day in sydney..

*deep breaths*
This is the day that the Lord has made.. i will rejoice and be glad in it...!

aching... Lord... its so painful.. T T it aches so much that i can feel it physically.. Help me o Lord.. anytime i feel like giving it all up and run.. but everytime You strengthen me to stay.. Lord.. hold my hand through all this.. would You? You are my strength You are my peace You are whom i run to You o my God is faithful You are the reason i can still go to work You are the reason i can still smile You are the reason i live

klo sama Tuhan.. pasti bisa!

How to keep rejoicing + praising God when you dont feel like to?
How to keep smiling when you are crying on the inside?
How to love when all you want to do is hate that person or people?
How do you hold your tears when all you want to do is just burst out?

the answer is you choose, you decide!

what i do is.. thinking how great my God is.. and I decide to choose You..
no matter what my circumstances are..
I will choose to believe You have my best interest in heart.. I will choose to believe that You have my future secured..

I have a new Hope from You... I have such a great destiny [in] You.. and I dont have time and extra energy to sulk on [my] problems. You have a plan for me.. and You have given me the strength to overcome all the struggles that will be on my way.

I will decide, choose, commit to the purpose and destiny You've prepared + paid + chosed.

I have such a great God.. He will NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER forsake nor leave me.

there's nothing that i can or can [not] that would make You change Your mind about me. I am a daughter of the Most High. Nothing in His name is impossible for me to do.

My life is for You..
My heart is for You..
my family is for You..
my future is for You..
My love is for You..

so anything that is not according to Your will.. though I love so much.. I am giving it all to You! and You only! work through me bless through me use me take me Daddy.. to a place where You gonna take me..

no more negativity no more compromise no more looking back my only choice is to move forward toward the destiny You've set.

thank You Father for everything! for Your patience + compassion + mercy when I am so stubborn... for every comfort and love..

i thank You for ever friend who cares + dont care + wake me up to my dreams through many ways (gentle, wack me, whisper, kick me) i thank all of you..

God...

if my free will drift me away from Yours..
force it back to me Lord!

I dont want to be anywhere else outside Your plan!

Its better to fight in a war within the will of God.. than laying in a beach outside the will of God.

God.. this heart n life.. for You! only for You and Your glory..!

a quote from Jaeson Ma

My hope is in God.
It is in times of crisis that we are called to release creativity.
It is in times of fear that we are called to walk by faith.
It is in times of testing that we are called to be a testimony.
It is in times of panic that we have an unexplainable peace.
We are the hope of the world.
We are the children of God.
We are more than conquerors.
We are not here for survival, we are here for revival.

I look at You :)

Everybody needs inspiration,
Everbody needs a song.
A beautiful melody,
When the night's so long.
Cause there is no guarantee,
That this life is easy.

Yeah when my world is falling apart.
When there's no light to break up the dark,
That's when I, I, I look at you.
When the waves are flooding the shore,
and I can't find my way home anymore.
That's when I, I, I look at you.

When I look at you,
I see forgiveness,
I see the truth.
You love me for who I am,
Like the stars hold the moon,
Right there where they belong.
and I know im not alone.

Yeah when my world is falling apart,
When there's no light to break up the dark,
That's when I, I, I look at you.
When the waves are flooding the shore,
and I can't find my way home anymore,
That's when I, I, I look at you.

You, appear just like a dream to me.
Just like kaleidoscope colors,
That cover me,
All I need,
Every breath that I breathe,
Don't you know you're beautiful!

Yeah

When the waves are flooding the shore,
and I can't find my way home anymore,
That's when I, I, I look at you.
I look at you, Yeah, Woah.

You, appear just like a dream to me.


Lord... I <3 U...